I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
operation harelip BJ is a go
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
