He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
