He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
