Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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