i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
