Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
