Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
