your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did i walk over a car last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Congratulations! We have a period
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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