ugly people sure do ruin things
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
