things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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