i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
