thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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