i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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