She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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