You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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