Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
