Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
