Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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