just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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