What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
