I accidentally had phone sex last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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