oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize