i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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