I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
