Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
