dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
