Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
