Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
