Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize