there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
