dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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