So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
