very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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