Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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