i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
