Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
handjob tips. give me some.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
