I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
