omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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