We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
