when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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