I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
