Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize