the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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