Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You are a genius and a whore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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