You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize