Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize