i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
