gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
