we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
