her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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