I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
