so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize