Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
