Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had sex on a roof
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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