I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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