She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
