Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
