his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
