I cut my penus on the lid.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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