I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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