Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
