She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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