a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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