i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Randomize
