Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just forgot I was standing up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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