i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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