meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
