omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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