I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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