bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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