I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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