So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
