My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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