fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
